September 11th

I am sitting here trying to watch this CBS remembrance special...

My heart literally aches...

I find I am more emotional about it now, than I was when I watched it unfold on the television 10 years ago. I don't think I will be able to watch the whole thing.

Because not only am I still horrified at the monumental amount of loss, but I now also know the impact that day had on the 'reality' we all lived by. Many of us were blissfully unaware of what it meant to live in an environment where the words terrorist, terrorism and quite frankly true terror existed in anything more than a news report on some far away part of the world or a movie write up.

I am thinking of the people who are just young enough to not remember the difference between before and after. Those that were in their early teens or younger when it happened.

The reality they have as young adults is long lines at the airport, business continuity plans at work, security background checks for just about everything, and all things invasive that fall under the US Patriot Act.

This is their reality.

They seem to not understand when 'older' people grumble about waiting in line, or having to take just about everything off to get through airport security, or why some people roll their eyes when it's time for yet another BCP meeting at work etc etc etc...

In some ways I think they are blissfully unaware.

They aren't aware of the difference between before and after. I am thankful they don't have that unexplainable feeling of loss. I am hopeful that instead of writing it off as just another day in American history, they will take the time to learn. This day, this event is no less or no more important than other days in our history, and in 70 years it may only get the same amount of screen and print time as Pearl Harbor.

But for now, we as a country still need to make a big deal about this. It is something that those of us weren't directly impacted by have been able to put away. I think of all those people who haven't been able to do that, the thousands of people who lost family members day.

So many of us witnessed the death of those family members.

We may not have been on sight, but there was no 5 second delay on this event.

We were standing in the break-room at work, our hands covered our mouths when the first tower fell, and our branch manager said a prayer for those we had just seen die.

I am thankful for those who responded, those who tried and succeeded in saving thousands of lives, and in doing so sacrificed their own. I continue to remember those who weren't able to make it out.

Thought for the day ~ Learning to play the game isn't as much fun as you would think...

So I had a great weekend catching up with a friend I hadn't seen or talked to in about 7 years... in the scheme of things 7 years is a pretty good chunk of time. Nerves aside, to my surprise when I opened the door, it was like it had been only yesterday since I had seen him ( a little age seemed to be the only thing to show for the time)...

As I was filling him in on the "goings-on" at the new job I was reminded why I hold this friendship so close to my heart... While I believe this person sees me for and accepts me for who I truly am - he is also not afraid to call me on it. I was basically told to get over myself... If I didn't like the situation I was in, then it was within my control to change it... but was also reminded that the economy is awful, and as bad as this job may seem, there are people who have much less and need more...

So with a little perspective and another piece of humble pie I made my way into work for the beginning of week two. Being in the great mood I was, I was convinced this week would be much better than last, as I at least knew what to expect...

WRONG - I was there for not even 5 minutes, and the general manager ( or just The General as I now think of him every time I see him) was inviting me into his office to "have a quick talk". long story short, apparently a dry, witty sense of humor is not appreciated or even understood as humor in this little corner of the world. It may have had something to do with my comment to the shipment supervisor last Thursday when she asked how my day went; I smiled and laughed and then said "Well I came back from my lunch break, and I haven't quit yet, so all in all a good day"... We then had a conversation about whether or not this was what I wanted etc etc etc, and I swear it was all I could do to hold my tongue... The conversation itself was not worth the $2.00 of my hourly wage it took up... But The General obviously felt better, because he had made his point. IE. You can't really speak honestly when someone asks how your day was,,, and "if you need help, you need to ask for it, we don't expect you to know everything" (even though absolutely nothing is documented and it is treated as a huge interruption of them using the phone when you do ask).

So how am I applying these rules to my world? When asked how it's going " Oh, it's great, thanks!"... and if it's not documented somewhere I am asking a question and then asking where I could have found that information myself ("oh it's not written down" has been spoken many a time over the last two days), and just so it can't be misconstrued, I am very careful to make sure I thank the person helping me at least twice...

It's exhausting, this little game that has been started... But these people are oh so happy when you ask a question . But it's oh so irritating to have to ask all these questions because they can't document procedures or provide adequate/sufficient training...

At the end of the day they are so impressed by how "eager I am to learn new things" and I can make the day go a bit faster by turning the tedium into this game. I have to admit there are times where I am pushing the snarkiness, but unfortunately, they aren't picking up on it...