Black Friday Shopping...

And I'm not talking about the dash to the mall, or strip malls to do all the Christmas shopping... What I'm talking about is the quest for the perfect loaf of bread to accompany the left over turkey... There is nothing better than fresh good bread, with cold tasty turkey the day after!!

Thankfully, I was invited to my aunt and uncle's place in Myrtle Beach for the holiday. I can't ever remember a time when it was just me and them, no cousins or parents around. So I have to say I was a bit nervous. Family or not, we quite frankly don't know each other that well (mostly due to me 'running away' from western NY, hardly ever to return). But it was great. There's something to be said for the family bond, after a couple minutes, it was like I had spent every holiday, birthday and family occasion with them since childhood. I don't have many memories of my uncle that I like... As a child he was always very unattainable, and the uncle my brother and I were afraid of(kind of),,, but we never want him to yell at us! Funny thing is, as an adult, he had quite a bit to say, surprisingly interested in my current job situation; even went so far as to call his brother who lives in FL near where I am moving, to see if he could help me find a place when I'm ready to buy... Who would have thought????? Certainly not me! We then went on to discuss management philosophy and what works and what doesn't etc...I had noticed that he was working on a Sudoku puzzle after dinner, and was talking about how I had tried a few on line only to get very frustrated.. Asked if he had any special clues for working them out... Unfortunately the answer was no! When I got home, and was unloading the bag of left over goodies, there in the bag were several pages from his Sudoku book, carefully cut out and stapled together... I can't really explain it,, in fact it probably sounds silly,,, but that little act summed up the Thanksgiving and Christmas ideals all in one... It was seemed as though he and I have finally found the common ground, and to think it only took 40 years!!

Although I can't imagine ever moving back to western NY... The older I get the more acutely aware I become of the things I have missed out on by making the decisions I have made... This Thanksgiving, it was only my aunt, uncle and myself,,, but I still left feeling as though I had spent the day with 'the family'.....

OK,,, So it's a little early...

But I just couldn't wait!! There are so many cute Christmas backgrounds,, and I think I probably beat my dad when it comes to the Christams songs!!

It used to drive me CRAZY when I was a kid,, Thanksgiving day the Christmas carols would start, the louder the better,,,, My brother and I would retreat downstairs in complete agony!

This will probably change several times throughout the next few weeks! Have a great Turkey Day !

"D" day..... NOT !!

Alright, so how disappointing is it to have the letter typed, be all amped up,,, and then have to hold off !?!??!??! At the last minute HR wanted me to hold off,,, one final 'T' needs to be crossed ... I swear,,

So emailed my boss to death today,,, journaled everything I worked on and for how long, so he can validate my productivity(can you say welcome to kindergarten?),,, AND I have tomorrow off !!

Going to visit my Aunt and Uncle who are in Myrtle Beach for the holiday, so it will be nice to be with family, even if it is a 3.5 hour drive...

"D" day is finally here...

Well, after waiting for what seems like forever, tomorrow I resign from my current job. Regardless of the preparation, I still am a little nervous about it. Not quite sure what Little Napolean is going to say or do...

He's been very difficult lately, so I have to say, butterflies or not, I will get a certain amount of joy out of it!! I'm scheduled for Vacation Wed and we're closed Thurs and Friday... So I will get to enjoy my vaca and boss man will have he stress!!

So let's just hope I can keep my wits about me, remain composed, and not laugh too hard!

The Count Down Begins......Kind of...

I was sent my first round of paper work for the new job... We are still waiting for the last executive sign off on the requisition; we are doing as much of the paper work as we can now so when it's approved we are ready to go... I'll have to see what we can do about an 'Offer Acceptance Letter' as I won't give my notice until I have that in hand...

Only problem with that is that Little Napoleon is getting increasingly more difficult to tolerate. He seems to be on a mission to 'break' me,,, Micro managing every minute of my day... Well two can play at that game,,, he wants me to email him updates on my projects? I'll email him in the morning and afternoon, on the hour if needed. He doesn't think I can prioritize my workload (meaning I don't prioritize it the way he would) so I will ask him his opinion on everything... He doesn't think documenting and updating procedures etc is important (priority for me since I know I'm leaving, and want to make sure everything these morons could need is available) so I won't be documenting anything... Which will be unfortunate, since I won't be able to find the time once I give notice...

I've just got to keep my cool,,, play his little game, and know that I have the upper hand... smile through it all,,, and wait it out... AND I have Wed, Thurs and Friday off, so I only have two days to get through!!

Good Dreams, Bad Dreams, Weird Dreams and Lost Love...

I could start by asking 'what does this dream mean'.... But this one's pretty clear... I had a dream, that lasted for what seemed like forever. The main character was an old love,,, and yes I say love, even though I was too insecure to have admitted it at the time or to have appreciated this person for who he was... He is someone who I got back in touch with after an event in his life that gave us more in common than I ever would have hoped. Now, about every six months one of us emails the other,, we go back and forth a few times,, then another 6-9 months..

I woke up from this dream in love... It took place over several days, weeks I don't really know how long... But in this dream we happened to be in the same place at the same time, I think we both happened to move back to our home town,, I started by asking about his wife and kids,,, [because in real life I really do care and am interested,,,,] My belief from real life that he is probably a wonderful husband and a father that stories are made of carried over [see he's sent pictures of himself with his kids and everybody looked happy so it must be so],, in the dream as we talked and became familiar again,,, it slowly came out that he wasn't as happy as he had wanted everyone to believe,,, and this made me sad... I only want good things for this person, whatever state of consciousness I'm in.... The details aren't important,, it wasn't a dream of him slamming his life and the choices he had made, or me doing that either... It was just two people realizing that things had changed over time, and we were now in the same place,,blah, blah, blah...

Long story short, we ended up, over time, finding our way back to each other... I remember having this peaceful feeling of acceptance,,, See, I can honestly say, he was one of the first people who 'loved' me for who I was, not what I looked like etc, but for who I was and could be... That would be the Good Dream...

I think I hurt him, back then, all those years ago,, I know it was 20+ years,, and if he is as happy in life as I believe him to be, that fact has obviously not impacted him greatly. But I remember us talking about that in the dream,,,kind of,,, So I not only woke up in love, but I woke up feeling sad, about how badly I had treated this person, but also at the realization that it had in fact been a dream; I hadn't found my way back to someone I trusted, someone who would accept me as I am, someone I truly deeply cared for... That would be the Bad Dream

Then of course I had to ponder all the things that had taken place in this dream,,, And keep coming back to the fact that our subconscious can be like a slap in the face sometimes... I act as though I don't want someone in my life,,, talk all the time about how it's nice to be able to make all the decisions, and get the remote full time. In reality, I am lonely, I do want someone to share my story with... And my lovely sub conscious self was telling me if I'm careful in my choice, look for someone who has good qualities, qualities similar to my 'lost love' [ sounds so melodramatic, but lost love sums it up,,, I lost out due to my choices] that love is a possibility. That I don't need to be so guarded, and that possibly it's time to take some of the walls down. I guess that's the Weird Dream...

It's not as though I have been pining away for this person for the last 20 years,, absolutely not... But I am thankful that I have that experience with him to look back on, a positive experience, an experience that helps take the place of the bad experiences... An experience that reminds me it's not all bad...

In that regard, yes, I still love him... I will always love him... Love him in a way that a 40 year old woman looks back on and loves her first love... If I could, I would apologize for how I treated him, I would tell him how fortunate I feel his wife and children are, and I would let him know, that he is one that others will be compared to...

Some Pics From This Weekend...

I spent most of Saturday afternoon driving around Ft Lauderdale. I had forgotten somehow how different Florida really is.... Snapped this bird in someones driveway... You can't really see it in the pic, but his beak is about 6 inches long and bright orange,,, He seemed very proud of that!!

... And then there were the lizzards,,, I don't think they actually qualify as lizzards after they get past a foot long,,, but I'm not sure what else to call it!!! I was driving down Seven Isles Dr, trying to find the house where I used to be a Nanny,, came over a crest and he was meandering across the road... Good thing there wasn't anyone behind me, cuz the breaks were slammed on, and I just sat there and watched... took me a minute to wake up and grab the camera... After I saw him, it seemed as though they were everywhere! I think the parents bought them for their kids about 15 yrs ago, and then 'set them free' when the kids outgrew them,,, now they are everywhere...

And then there's the OCEAN... Yes it deserves the capital letters and the italics... How is it possible to forget that it is so beautiful?!?!? Never was one to hang out at the beach,,, but it sure will be nice to drive by this view every now and then!

Lastly, there's the new office... This may not look like much,, but I will try to find a pic of the current office building and you can decide for yourself!

It's amazing how much things can change,,,, I lived there 20 years ago,,, In my head, that doesn't seek like that long ago,, I clearly remember where I worked, where I lived, where I played (at least I thought I clearly remembered).... Then I started driving around and found I really had to look hard to find the familiarity.... Only a shell of the things I remember were still there,, Although I think I saw that my favorite pet store is still there!! One of the best things to come from this,,,, One of my closest, dearest friends lives in southern FL,,, well actually a tropical paradise near southern FL,, Treasure Cay, Bahamas,,, and her daughter lives near where I'm living,,also a friend that I haven't seen in forever!!! It will be nice to have them near by...

Have I mentioned that I'm excited!???

Almost Time to Celebrate!!!!!

So,,,,, I spent the weekend in Florida,,, Took Friday off and flew down for what I had thought was a final interview,,, You know,, both sides making sure we are both getting what we're paying for... As the questions and discusion progressed I kept answering with my best 'sell me' points and charm,,, Finally the new boss says,,,,"let me just stop you right there,,, I want to make one thing clear..... (at which point I try to swallow without the gulp being heard)..... I am 100% confident in my decision to have you here, this is not an interview, I can't wait to have you start. The only reason I asked you to come, was so that you could feel good about your decision....'

HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?!?!

At this point I just relaxed, sat in on a client call, reviewed process flows with him and gave suggestions for some changes (which I might add he implemented). I met the team, and in general just looked around. It was great! A completely different dynamic, which is definitely needed!

I was able to find a furnished condo, that would do a 6 month lease,,, for a small fortune! But it sure does make it much less stressful... The only thing we are waiting on is for the Big Man to sign off on the req...

I swear my current boss knows something,,, he has been acting very strange this week (ie. nice, saying good morning, not grilling me, leaving me alone in general)... SHould would be nice to not be crazy and paranoid!! Old habits die hard,,, I have always assumed that if people stopped talking when I walked up, they were talking about me,,, If peple were laughing, they were laughing at me... If they were angry, it was because I had done something,,,, It's amazing that with so many people focusing on me that there is time for anything else in the world !! (small atempt at self depricating humor, sorry)...

More on the trip, and the job and the new and old boss later... Lt's just say I spent several weeks of not being able to sleep well due to anxious nerves,,, now I can sleep because of excited anticipation!!

Just read it!!!

This gave me a chill... It's long, but worth hanging on 'til the end.... Please Read

You tell me,,, Are people excited ?

To see more great pics of our next President click here...

The worth of Family Heir Looms...

I just don't get it... I have made a life separating myself from my family... Never felt like I fit in, never felt understood, just never felt...Unless I was at my grandparent's house. It didn't matter who it was, their door was always open. I have memories of going to visit, and my cousins, or their friends just walking in as though they lived their too. And my grandparents happy to see everyone of them.
Some of the happiest memories, dare I say the only happy memories I have of childhood(I know probably harsher than the reality) took place in my grandparents house. To be specific around my grandparents dining room table. So now that we are at a time where my grandfather's gone and my grandmother is over 90, she has been staying with one of my aunts. They all decided that it was best to make that a permanent situation, which was the best decision to make.

This led to the distribution of 'the family heir looms. Since I was a teenager, I have been determined to see my family sitting around that dining room set. Building memories for my kids the way my grandparents did... Slight problem,,,, Divorced, no kids, no family... So I conceded, thinking that for sure one of my many cousins, all with families with many children would jump at the chance to have that memory in their house...build on the memories for their children and share the stories that started there...

No one wanted it... The best idea anyone had was to sell it in a yard sale... I was devastated. I thought for sure if I thought it had so much value, me the one who lives so far away who only sees family once a year, that one of my cousins, who had spent more meals around that table than I ever could would surely want it... Nope...


Even my mother, who I have tried to explain this to more than a dozen times keeps telling me.. 'You know it's not worth very much, I don't think the woods very good,,, etc, etc, etc'... Just doesn't get it... My parents idea is,,, keep it in their garage until I can take it... The garage in western NY,,, where it gets colder than hell 6 months out of the year,,, no that won't damage the wood... So I came up with an alternative, let's keep it at the apartment in Hilton Head... They have this god awful 1970's beach dining room set, so why not put this set there,,, Nooooo,,, they LOVE that dining room set.... ??????????????? I just don't get it.... They are all looking at the worth,, what would it be worth if we sold it?,,, is it worth what it would cost to get it to HH? worth, worth, worth...... Let's talk value... value of memories, value in family connection, I can't beleive that of all the family members I'm the one who sees the value...

Trick or Treat? Definitely a Treat!!

I think I was more excited than the kids last night!! I was like a little kid at christmas, counting down... Left work about 5:45, ran to the store and got home about 6:15... The neighbor had said they would probably start around 6:45,,, only 30 minutes to wait!!

This year was a particularly nail biting experience,, See, last year I got a total of o.oo trick or treaters... Yes,,, ZERO... and what makes it even worse is that I live in one of those neighborhoods that is crammed full of families with kids.... I had spent lots of $$$ and put treat bags together,, you know the one, cellophane with pumpkins and witches,, full of candy, spider rings, bugs and Halloween tattoos.... No kids,,,, took all 60 bags into work the next day (people still have theirs bugs on their PC's to my delight, not a total waist)

So I waited and waited,,,6:45 came and went, 7:00, gone,,, I was starting to feel like yet again I was going to miss out... As I sat on the couch, pretending to watch TV and not care one bit if I didn't get any trick or treaters, I could hear kids outside,, laughing, leaves rustling,,, 7:10... how disappointing... Then it happened,,, I heard the little feet hitting the walkway out front,,, and then the doorbell rang !!!

I swear I had a bigger smile on my face than those kids did... I grabbed my bowl full of treat bags (not cellophane this year, but stuffed with just as much stuff including scary Halloween erasers and BUGS) and opened the door... It was bliss,,, all these little kids trying to say 'Trick or Treat' , parents dressed up right along with them,,,

And then this one little girl, who I swear was the spirit of Cindy-loo Who herself, asks 'What's in here?' To which I answer,,, 'gum, tootsie roll pops and Nerds, and scary erasers and creepy crawly bugs!!' ... She turns and runs,,,I thought maybe the creepy crawly bugs was too much for her... then I hear it... "Dad !!!! She's got better bags than the ones we got at school!!!"... Would it be too much to say a tear came to my eye?? !!!!

I loved it,,, I got to give away all 70 bags I had put together and empties the left-over double bubble and sweet-tarts into a bowl and only have a handful left!!

Parents around the neighborhood were probably up late with kids amped up on sugar highs,,, trash cans next to the bed for those that ate too much...

But I went to bed happy!!