Hiatus... from everything...

I am choosing Merriam-Webster's "2a" definition: an interruption in time or continuity : break ; especially : a period when something (as a program or activity) is suspended or interrupted.

However, I am taking a hiatus from everything... I consider it time to 'recalibrate' myself... In the midst of the last few overcast days, I have taken time to be thankful...

Thankful that when in the midst of this, I do have the sensibility to know that my life is not nearly as bad as my brain would currently have me believe it is. Thankful that I know enough about how this chemistry thing works to know that in 10-14 days, I will again look back and tell myself I need to be better prepared for the next time (and while I say that, there will be another little part of me that scolds me and says I shouldn't let there be a next time)...

Thankful that, although the stress of my current job has greatly contributed to the current state of affairs, I have finally reached a place professionally where I can say " I think I would like to take the rest of the week off"... Meet with my Business Analyst, leaving her a list a mile long, and leave the office telling her to call me if needed. I'm thankful that even though I turned this job down the first time it was offered,,, that they came back 60 days later and offered it again, with a better deal...

I'm thankful that even though the last few weeks have been less than attractive that they weren't as bad as they could have been... I can remember what it was like, before I knew what was going on... In a relationship with a man who preyed on the weakness and insecurity that resulted,,, Who instead of encouraging me to get help, liked me better the way I was so he could control me...

The only way to explain the current status is to say it feels like it does when the fever has broken... Imagine the worst flu like symptoms you've had: the fever keeps you in a constant state of back and forth, hot and cold, up and down, exhausting you. When that fever breaks,,, there is such relief. You still feel like crap, but you know you are in the mending phase... Your body is recalibrating...

Hense, the hiatus... the recalibration... the mending...