But I do miss him...

I had a dream about my brother Scott last night...

The first one in a LONG time...
We were all waiting at the airport for him,,
all his good, and best friends, my parents,,
everybody...

We were all talking about how long it had been since we had seen him,
and I let everybody know
I was getting the first hug,,
I didn't care....
He was getting home from 'the war'...
presumably Iraq...

And then several other military people came out of the gate,,,
and then there he was....
and he was old...
I don't mean ancient,,
but old like I am now,
just not 21 anymore...

He looked so tired,
bags under his eyes,
he was so thin,
but it was him, no doubt,
not one of those
"It was him but didn't look like him" dreams...

He had this look of releif on his face,,
but at the same time his eyes looked as though he had seen things,
things he couldn't begin to explain...
I remember have a fleeting flash of concern...

And then I got my hug,,,
I just held on, and so did he....
Finally I let the rest of the come up and great him,,
in some way we were all really nervous....
And as I stood next to him, while everyone greeted him...

I was looking at him,,
and thinking how good it was to see him,,
but then I was thinking
how glad I was that he was gone,,
because I knew

he would never have to have gone through what 'this Scott' went through...
that he would never look as old as this Scott
and then I woke up...

I wasn't sad...
I was relieved,
relieved that we would never have to wait like all those families do,,,
relieved that Scott would never have to endure what our military are now enduring,,,
relieved that that he would never have to look so frail and tired.... and old : )

But I do miss him...