The best laid plans...

I have my calendar at work set... Every morning I get a 'meeting reminder' telling me how many of the initial 177 days I have left... Surprisingly it was at 156 today... How did that happen?

I had it all set in my head... all worked out on paper... the math of 'it',,,, the big move....

The first few days were great, like the proverbial weight had been lifted... The remainder of the days I have been plagued by insomnia...

There are good days at work, when I feel like sticking it out will be no big deal,,, and of course, my boss won't want to loose me, so I will be able to follow through, move to NC , keep my job, very little adjustment...

Then there are the days, where it seems as though I am aboard a sinking ship,,, with a tiny, tiny, tiny bucket, and a big, big, big hole... I have a boss, who never stops. Not even to see if the decisions he is making are actually good for the business unit. Somethings we are moving so fast on, that things are falling through the cracks... not on my projects, but it effects me none the less...

This makes me fearful...

Fearful, that I won't need a 6 month plan, because within 6 months he will have screwed things so royally, by saying yes to everything, that we won't have any clients left.

Fearful that even if he wanted to keep me 6 months from now, we may not have enough clients to warrant it...

Fearful, that even though I know I am capable of many things, I won't be able to find a job (should I need to)...

Fearful that even though I say I'm not motivated by money that when push comes to shove,
I will find it hard to take a pay cut... Anyone know how much happiness is selling for now days?

I don't like living in fear... I know better... But really, how much sense does it make to quit a perfectly good job, just so you can live where you want to? Especially in a time, when many, many people are out of work, and have been for some time...

I know I am a little off my rocker, but really, I must be crazy....